I'm so thankful... not much more can be said of the way I feel these days! I have been through what seems like the fight of my life & God has been gracious enough to get us through! Lyric is doing great & is truly a new baby! We came to Dallas two weeks ago today with a baby girl who had a massive hole in her heart (VSD), a restricted arch, an open PFO, two smaller holes (ASD's), she couldn't breathe deep, she slept all day, could not eat by mouth because it was too exhausting, you could watch her heart beat through her chest because it was working so hard, and the list goes on but as I look at her now I truly see God's grace! Our little Lyric can eat on her own, she is awake most of the day and now has nap times :), breathes deep & slow, her heart is still working overtime until it realizes that it doesn't have to!! We didn't know coming into this just how many things were going on with Lyric's heart & the doctor that did all of her pre-op was amazed that she was able to live for 4 months with no surgery. I know that it was by the grace of God that our little girl has stayed so strong through everything and to see her in the pain that she endured from her surgery I will never measure up to her & how brave she is! I AM BEYOND PROUD OF LYRIC! She has been through more than most in her little life & yet still smiles at the sound of my voice, blows bubbles when I do trying to copy me :), & her latest trick... I will take a bite of my dinner & she will start chewing CUTEST THING EVER!! I think she is ready for the good stuff now that she has energy!!!! I want to thank everyone for their prayers! THANK YOU!!

Scattered thoughts

I have spent the better part of today packing, getting things in order for Dallas & I have to say it is getting harder with each passing day. We received Lyric's surgery packet with our instructions, booked our hotel for the first night & tomorrow I'm getting all our last minute things taken care of! I'm so thankful for our families who have been there for us every step of the way. God has been faithful & has granted us much grace so far, I pray that He alone gets the glory!
I'm scared... but I know that God is way bigger than my fear.
Thank you all for the prayers!
Pray for Lyric to handle the coming weeks well, to recover fast, & to feel little pain...I know this will hurt her & I just don't think I can bear that.
My heart is heavy & my throat is always on the verge of closing off as the tears surface. I don't know what else I can write... but I thank you for your understand hearts & for letting me share mine.

If you could only see me....

Today I have my hair up with half of it falling, still in my pj's not because I slept in but because I am in need of a shower but can't quite make it there, I have been thrown up on, I'm wearing a mask because I have a running nose, Lyric sits here on my lap with pants on but no shirt because she gets too hot & sweats like no one I've ever seen. The house is picked up only because I have an amazing mother who loves us :) Travis is at work & I'm here all alone! This may sound like a complaint but it is not I truly wouldn't change a thing (OK maybe I would be looking super hot but other than that ;)) I love staying home & taking care of Lyric & keeping the house in order but as of late the only thing I can keep in order is feeding times so I would have to confess that I'm slacking a little bit in the S.A.H.M. perfect world!! Just wanting to share all the things that are going undone for the time being, I know that every stay at home mom feels like that there is never enough time in the day & I would have to agree, I have about an hour between feedings and by the time I pick up enough to start something that hour is gone! POOF!! I know this is a season and I'm loving every step but I think I shall called it "Mad Season" I truly look like a character from a Tim Burton movie! I would share a picture but honestly I would frighten the children! HAHA I hope I gave you a reason to laugh!!

To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven
Ecclesiastes 3:1

Tonight

I sit here in silence as I hold Lyric, it is almost 1:00am & her first of three am feedings! She is sleeping as she is being fed through her tube, even she knows she should be sleeping through the night :) I'm learning to enjoy these moments with her... The quite just me, her & the wind chime on the porch! She is growing right before my very eyes & learning something new everyday! The other day we had her jammies on the one with the built in hand mitt thingies and she being the smart kid she is tried to pull it off so that she could suck her fingers ( she loves doing this but because she hasn't quite figured out that fingers in her mouth may cause her to gag we have to watch her like a hawk) She is talking all the time now & learning all the different ways to make different sounds :)
Tonight there is no thought of what is to come just me & my perfect, beautiful, smart, & funny baby girl! I am so thankful tonight for this blessing of our mommy & me time!

F is for fear

Psalm 34:1-4
1 I will bless the LORD at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
2 My soul shall make its boast in the LORD;
The humble shall hear of it and be glad.
3 Oh, magnify the LORD with me,
And let us exalt His name together.
4 I sought the LORD, and He heard me,
And delivered me from all my fears.

I find myself fearing so much these days... Germs, sickness, Lyric to feel pain, her surgery, & the loss of our joy through this season. Lyric is so happy & to look at her you would never know that her heart is broken. I'm so thankful for her smiles all day long, when I feel overwhelmed or scared she just smiles and everything is right in the world! Randi called me this morning and said that she had found a verse and wanted to share it with (above Psalm 34:1-4)
It came at the perfect time because I was feeling down & scared about the thought of what my sweet baby girl will endure. Not just the pain but the scar that will remain and how she will feel about it. That may sound silly in the grand scheme of this but it is real and will be with her forever. I pray she sees God's grace! I was getting down about the fact that nothing in our life is normal... There is no NORMAL! but as my sister read me this verse I realized yet again that HE LOVES ME!!! Right where I am... Tired, scared, ungrateful, moody, fearful, etc. etc. etc. My favorite part is verse 4 He delivered me from all my fears! Wow for this mom and the fear that I feel every second, this is huge! I'm
not saying i have this figured out because even as I write this I find myself choking back tears at the very thought of Lyric in pain but He wants to free me from my fears. A dear friend said that at the moment when we have to kiss Lyric goodbye at the double doors, we will have to trust God more than ever before and find comfort in the fact that He is where we can not be. Fear... That is what I'm facing today but my God is so big so strong and so mighty there's nothing my God can not do!!

Just laugh out loud & count your many blessings!

I have sat down some many time to post this blog post and I have failed so many times. I would type, get a phone call, type, feed Lyric, type, make dinner, type feed Lyric, type, change a diaper, type, have playtime, type, feed Lyric, type, pick up the house, type...etc, etc, etc... you get the idea! For some reason I could never finish my post so this morning I realized, maybe I wasn't suppose to finish that post, maybe I needed to just write it all out so that I felt heard. You see the post I was working on was just a bunch of complaining, not really beneficial to anyone. So instead to remind myself how blessed I am here are some of the things that are going good in my life.
1. Amazing God that loves me & only wants the best for me!
2. Super awesome husband, who tells me that I'm amazing!
3. A beautiful daughter that lights up every part of me :-)
4. Amazing family (many of whom have taken time out of their busy lives to be a blessing in ours)
5. Wonderful friends who are always praying so fervently!
Top 5 anyways!

I had what I thought to be a very rough start to this week... Sunday we get up & we're leaving for church as we get in the car I realized that there are cd's in my seat so I ask Trav if he got in the car last night to which he said no. Then I remembered that I had put some cash in the car in case of an emergency (stupid I know) but we never know when we might be going to the hospital & I wanted it put aside just in case... well Saturday we ran to target to get diapers & when we got home Trav grabbed Lyric & I got the diapers... yes that's right we forgot to lock the doors! Something I over do & it drives everyone nuts but that is just what I do, anyways Saturday night someone got in our car & took our emergency money... not just a small amount but MY MONEY! They left everything cd's, GPS, everything but took our money. As Sunday went on I found myself becoming consumed with thoughts of how in the heck do we pay for everything? Who would do that? Why? Last night I was talking with my Mom just crying over the fact that it was gone (I think this was more of the straw that broke the camels back & that I really just needed a good cry) but my Mom said this & it made me realize something.. she said that Satan is working overtime to rob the joy of each day & blessing!
WOW... after all the faith that I have had to exercise he got me over money?!??!?
So I realized as I thought of all that God has done for me, I AM BLESSED!

He allowed me to be a stay at home mom & I know now that I could not have kept my job & #1. We could not of had her in a daycare because she can't get sick (never really an option for us anyways) #2. It would have been almost impossible to take all this time off work! #3. There is no way that I could have left her with anyone... I love her too much :-)

We switched over to Travis' insurance 2 weeks before we found out so they couldn't say it was a pre-existing condition that we were aware of before September 14th.

The fact that there was no real reason for Lyric to have a murmur but because she did the doctor was able to make a proper diagnoses. The doctor said that had she not heard the murmur she would have sent us home & Lyric's lungs could of had some serious damage if it was to go untreated.

Our marriage has been strengthened (yet again) by what seems impossible to handle but by the grace of God & tons of grace for each other we are making it through this. (Thanks Amy for the words of wisdom!!)

Our appreciation for life & the fact that it is a gift & that our lives are GOD'S! He wants to prosper us & to grow us into fully devoted followers of Christ.

The strength in my own personal walk with God & the understanding of what He must feel as a parent to see His child hurting & struggling. He makes hard decisions for us and it is ALWAYS for our good!!

You see I can focus on the fact the someone robbed us of our money but I will not let that circumstance rob me of my JOY! Thank you Lord for my blessings!!

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.
James 1:17

My most favorite good & perfect gift from above :-)

Today

Today has been a rough one... no real reason just a bunch of little thing that seem to pile up & make one go crazy. Lyric's cough is awful, she won't eat by the bottle very much so we tube feed most of it, she hasn't pooped since Sunday and is a bit fussy because she is so uncomfortable, she threw up again tonight, didn't go to sleep to good because she had a tummy ache, Travis is sick, & I have a ton of unfinished projects... in a nutshell ROUGH DAY! I'm asking for prayer... I know this too shall pass! Thank you!

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.
Psalm 62:5