I'm so thankful... not much more can be said of the way I feel these days! I have been through what seems like the fight of my life & God has been gracious enough to get us through! Lyric is doing great & is truly a new baby! We came to Dallas two weeks ago today with a baby girl who had a massive hole in her heart (VSD), a restricted arch, an open PFO, two smaller holes (ASD's), she couldn't breathe deep, she slept all day, could not eat by mouth because it was too exhausting, you could watch her heart beat through her chest because it was working so hard, and the list goes on but as I look at her now I truly see God's grace! Our little Lyric can eat on her own, she is awake most of the day and now has nap times :), breathes deep & slow, her heart is still working overtime until it realizes that it doesn't have to!! We didn't know coming into this just how many things were going on with Lyric's heart & the doctor that did all of her pre-op was amazed that she was able to live for 4 months with no surgery. I know that it was by the grace of God that our little girl has stayed so strong through everything and to see her in the pain that she endured from her surgery I will never measure up to her & how brave she is! I AM BEYOND PROUD OF LYRIC! She has been through more than most in her little life & yet still smiles at the sound of my voice, blows bubbles when I do trying to copy me :), & her latest trick... I will take a bite of my dinner & she will start chewing CUTEST THING EVER!! I think she is ready for the good stuff now that she has energy!!!! I want to thank everyone for their prayers! THANK YOU!!

Scattered thoughts

I have spent the better part of today packing, getting things in order for Dallas & I have to say it is getting harder with each passing day. We received Lyric's surgery packet with our instructions, booked our hotel for the first night & tomorrow I'm getting all our last minute things taken care of! I'm so thankful for our families who have been there for us every step of the way. God has been faithful & has granted us much grace so far, I pray that He alone gets the glory!
I'm scared... but I know that God is way bigger than my fear.
Thank you all for the prayers!
Pray for Lyric to handle the coming weeks well, to recover fast, & to feel little pain...I know this will hurt her & I just don't think I can bear that.
My heart is heavy & my throat is always on the verge of closing off as the tears surface. I don't know what else I can write... but I thank you for your understand hearts & for letting me share mine.

If you could only see me....

Today I have my hair up with half of it falling, still in my pj's not because I slept in but because I am in need of a shower but can't quite make it there, I have been thrown up on, I'm wearing a mask because I have a running nose, Lyric sits here on my lap with pants on but no shirt because she gets too hot & sweats like no one I've ever seen. The house is picked up only because I have an amazing mother who loves us :) Travis is at work & I'm here all alone! This may sound like a complaint but it is not I truly wouldn't change a thing (OK maybe I would be looking super hot but other than that ;)) I love staying home & taking care of Lyric & keeping the house in order but as of late the only thing I can keep in order is feeding times so I would have to confess that I'm slacking a little bit in the S.A.H.M. perfect world!! Just wanting to share all the things that are going undone for the time being, I know that every stay at home mom feels like that there is never enough time in the day & I would have to agree, I have about an hour between feedings and by the time I pick up enough to start something that hour is gone! POOF!! I know this is a season and I'm loving every step but I think I shall called it "Mad Season" I truly look like a character from a Tim Burton movie! I would share a picture but honestly I would frighten the children! HAHA I hope I gave you a reason to laugh!!

To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven
Ecclesiastes 3:1

Tonight

I sit here in silence as I hold Lyric, it is almost 1:00am & her first of three am feedings! She is sleeping as she is being fed through her tube, even she knows she should be sleeping through the night :) I'm learning to enjoy these moments with her... The quite just me, her & the wind chime on the porch! She is growing right before my very eyes & learning something new everyday! The other day we had her jammies on the one with the built in hand mitt thingies and she being the smart kid she is tried to pull it off so that she could suck her fingers ( she loves doing this but because she hasn't quite figured out that fingers in her mouth may cause her to gag we have to watch her like a hawk) She is talking all the time now & learning all the different ways to make different sounds :)
Tonight there is no thought of what is to come just me & my perfect, beautiful, smart, & funny baby girl! I am so thankful tonight for this blessing of our mommy & me time!

F is for fear

Psalm 34:1-4
1 I will bless the LORD at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
2 My soul shall make its boast in the LORD;
The humble shall hear of it and be glad.
3 Oh, magnify the LORD with me,
And let us exalt His name together.
4 I sought the LORD, and He heard me,
And delivered me from all my fears.

I find myself fearing so much these days... Germs, sickness, Lyric to feel pain, her surgery, & the loss of our joy through this season. Lyric is so happy & to look at her you would never know that her heart is broken. I'm so thankful for her smiles all day long, when I feel overwhelmed or scared she just smiles and everything is right in the world! Randi called me this morning and said that she had found a verse and wanted to share it with (above Psalm 34:1-4)
It came at the perfect time because I was feeling down & scared about the thought of what my sweet baby girl will endure. Not just the pain but the scar that will remain and how she will feel about it. That may sound silly in the grand scheme of this but it is real and will be with her forever. I pray she sees God's grace! I was getting down about the fact that nothing in our life is normal... There is no NORMAL! but as my sister read me this verse I realized yet again that HE LOVES ME!!! Right where I am... Tired, scared, ungrateful, moody, fearful, etc. etc. etc. My favorite part is verse 4 He delivered me from all my fears! Wow for this mom and the fear that I feel every second, this is huge! I'm
not saying i have this figured out because even as I write this I find myself choking back tears at the very thought of Lyric in pain but He wants to free me from my fears. A dear friend said that at the moment when we have to kiss Lyric goodbye at the double doors, we will have to trust God more than ever before and find comfort in the fact that He is where we can not be. Fear... That is what I'm facing today but my God is so big so strong and so mighty there's nothing my God can not do!!